This morning was one of the worst days I have had at work in a long time. Everything I was doing was going wrong and then to top it off I was meant to be getting a car off a colleague to use to go to a team meeting on Wednesday -so I could leave early to pick the youngman up. But he has now decided that he wants to go by himself so that he doesn’t have to leave as early as he would have to. So it means I will have to taxi – its a trip that usually takes 3/4 hour but it will be during peak hour so will probably take over an hour. I just couldn’t believe how selfish he was being and then he took offense to me calling him a selfish b’stard!!. Anyway my day became a good one as soon as I picked the Youngman up from his carers and he gave me the biggest grin.
Friday Four July 29, 2007
I know lots of people do Thursday 13’s but I really don’t have the energy to think of 13 things – anyway its Friday!
- When I was 10 I had my hair cut very short and I loved it – until I was mistaken for a boy . Luckily my hair grew back quickly
- I have quite fine hair but lots of it and its not straight but its not curly either – I usually say kinky
- My natural hair colour is light brown with an auburn tint – I don’t think my hair has been its natural colour since I was about 14
- I am really sick of my hairstyle at the moment – its kinda shoulder length with some layers. I think about getting it cut into a funky style but in reality I know I won’t like it because I want to be able to tie my hair up.
Waiting July 24, 2007
In the last few days both the Adman and I have submitted job applications for positions in our home town. The job Adman has applied for closes this Friday and mine the following. We are hoping that we will find out about Adman’s before mine but either way we have decided that if one of use gets a job then we will move.
However it looks like our dream to buy some land and build may not eventuate anytime soon. When we brought our home two years ago interest rates were 7.4% currently they are around 9% and an increase is predicted again soon. Mostly the US dollar can be blamed for this as the NZ dollar normally sits at around 60 US cents – currently it is at 81 cents. Our Reserve Bank Governor keeps rising interest rates in the hope that it will stop people spending….. it hasn’t worked so far. NZ has one of the highest home ownership rates in the Western world and here home ownership is viewed as a safe investment.
So basically it means that we probably won’t be able to afford to borrow the kind of money we will need to buy some land and build. Infact we might even be struggling to upgrade to a bigger house. But that is really an aside – we want to move home so that we can have the lifestyle we want for our family and also for the Young Man to be close to his grandma.
I will be devastated if it doesn’t happen this time. In my heart of hearts I know its time for us to move on but I keep trying to remind my self that if it doesn’t happen its because its just not the right time.
In other exciting news the Young Man has started to do a backwards shuffle now. He is showing great interest in our CD collection so it looks like that will have to be moved sometime soon. We are also transitioning from 3 naps a day to 2 now. It pretty hard as it means he is dog tired by the time 6.30 rolls around. I don’t want to put him to bed any earlier as I have tried that and he just wakes earlier in the morning. I know it will get better.
Formula One July 22, 2007
Since I started back at work part time my mornings have become the most busiest time of the day. This is mainly because not only do I have to get ready for work myself but I also have to feed the Young Man, get him ready togo to his care givers and also try and pump enough milk for his feed while I am at work. When I first started work he was having approx 150 mls a feed so I could just pump the mornings I was working and I would pump enough milk for that day. But now the Young Man is drinking between 220 – 250 mls. Trying to pump that much in one sitting seems impossible so now I have to pump everyday and freeze it for the days I am at work.
Last week my Mum asked my if I had thought about giving him formula for that one feed. I had thought about it but I was unsure if I really wanted to start giving him formula so soon. The Young Man has only ever been breastfed and we had such issues with trying to give him breastmilk in a bottle that I just couldn’t see it being an easy transition. And also I knew that once I started with formula there would come a time where he would prefer formula and I would be made redundant. But I knew that realistically I couldn’t go on pumping like I was and in a months time I have to travel to Wellington for a full day of meetings and I was dreading the thought of having to pump enough milk for 3 -4 feeds.
I love breastfeeding and I have been extremely lucky. Apart from the first couple of days where the Young Man didn’t have the whole sucking reflex down, breastfeeding has been a breeze. I haven’t had one single problem (Well sometimes having too much milk and leaking everywhere seemed like a problem) and I immensely enjoy the special time we have together when we are feeding.
But then late last week the Young Man pulled on my nipple so hard that it was grazed. It hurt like a mofo and for a couple of days afterwards it hurt when he feed on that side. So when Mum came up in the weekend I decided that we would just ‘try’ formula and see what he thought of it. So I made up the formula and I went off to our room while my Mum feed him. No more than 10 minutes later she came in with the Young Man and told me that he had drunk all 225mls with not a problem. The same thing happened on Sunday too.
So this morning when I got up I sat on the couch and drunk my tea and wondered if I had made the right decision. Would I be harming my baby by introducing one feed of formula three days a week? Deep down I know it won’t and that he will still love me and the boobs the most-est but it still tore me up.
When I picked him up from his caregivers he was all smiles as usual and Vicki said that he downed the bottle like a formula pro. Secretly I was hoping that he would refuse it and make known his preference for the boob. But I know its a good thing and I am sure that I will eventually realise the benefits of it all.
I guess its just another sign that my baby is growing up -soon enough he will be wanting to borrow the car!
Number Seven July 22, 2007
I have just finished reading Harry Potter and the deathly hallows ( thank goodness my Mum was here as it meant I was able to read heaps more than I would have been able to otherwise)
All I will say is that it more than met my expectations and I was satisified with the ending.
Good things…. July 19, 2007
I thought it was about time that I wrote about some of the good things happening in my life at the moment. I feel like all I have been doing is complaining and wallowing in my own self pity. so here are ten good things that are going on….
- I picked my gorgeous boots up off layby this week – I feel like a million dollars when I wear them.
- The Adman has just posted off his application for a paramedic position in the town we hope to move to.
- It seems my hair has started to stop falling out a la post pregnancy
- The Young Man slept through the night last night
- My Mum is coming up this weekend so that the Adman and I can go out for a ‘date’ on Saturday night – I am hoping that we will go and see “knocked up” – although I know that the Adman wants to go and watch the rugby at a bar
- The days are beginning to get longer – bring on Spring
- I have managed to lose 1.5 kilos without much effort- which means I can now fit a few more pairs of my ‘normal’ trousers
- My husband loves me
- The brocolis in my vege garden are almost ready to eat
- Its only 2 and a bit months until my birthday- birthday’s are a big deal to me…..
Terrible Thursday July 18, 2007
Today is the first day in about 2 weeks that I have managed to get my washing dried outside – mind you that is the only thing I have got done. Today has been one of those days where everything I do seems to turn to custard. Since we got back from Wellington the Young Man has been waking a lot during the night – with ear splitting screams. We think he might be getting some teething pain. It really breaks my heart to hear him so upset. In fact right at the moment he is meant to be having his afternoon nap but he is in his cot screaming his little lungs out trying to convince all within ear shot that he isn’t tired.
Last night the Adman and I had a huge fight – about something silly really. I went to bed quite early and when the Adman came to bed he started trying to talk to me – now there is one thing that really gets me angry and thats being woken up for no good reason. Anyway I ended up grabbing my glass of water and heading into the spare room. This got the Adman even more upset as he thinks I sleep in there because I am angry with him or that I don’t want to sleep with him.
Before the Young Man was born we NEVER slept in separate beds no matter what -even when our marriage was falling apart we still slept in the same bed. But since the Young Man was born my need for sleep is greater than putting up with the Adman snoring or practising at being a star fish. I don’t like sleeping in separate beds -esp since one of the most comforting things for me is spooning the Adman -but sometimes the need for sleep just wins. I just wish Adman could understand that .
BTW the Young Man is still screaming his head off – and yes he has kicked all his blankets off. Its doing my head in.
I should really being trying to do some ‘work’ work but because the Young Man isn’t settled its just too hard. I am enjoying being back at work but some days ( like today) its just all too hard. The Young Man wouldn’t eat his breakfast and then puked all over his clothes just before we were about to leave. All this meant I was late dropping him off at his carers which in turn made me late for work. When I got to work the car I had booked to attend a meeting had been taken by somebody else which meant I had to taxi – which of course meant I was late for my meeting. When I finally got back to the office I had an email from my boss asking me to do something urgently that ‘had to be done today’. The only thing was that it was going to take about an hour to do and I had to pick the Young Man up 15 minutes later. Luckily I managed to palm it off to someone else.
This afternoon has just been crappy too. The Young Man has been really clingy and would just cry every time I would try and put him down for some floor time. But the good news is that the Adman is on his way home from work early and hopefully he will be able to look after the Young Man while I de-stress ( by having a nice glass of wine and a hot deep bath).
Well I guess I can only hope that tomorrow will be brighter – Oh yeah he’s still crying/screaming too.
Too Cold July 15, 2007
On Thursday we had to travel to Wellington to a funeral ( another one -I feel funeraled out!!). The trip takes about 7 1/2 hours so we left at 4am on Thursday morning to get the benefit of being able to travel with the Young Man asleep.
He did really well and slept until about 7 am when I feed him and then he slept for another couple of hours. When he woke up he just happily played and sang to him self until we arrived in Wellington.
On the way down we stopped on the Main highway near the Mountains where it had began to snow. Since we don’t live where it snows I made the Adman stop so I could get out and have a quick play in the snow. After throwing a couple of snow balls (and discovering I had holes in my shoes which meant I had wet socks) we got on our way.
brrr its cold
At 7am in the morning it was 0 degrees. When we arrived in Wellington it was raining , windy and bitterly cold. The metservice said the temperature was 6 degrees but with the wind chill it felt like 2 degrees. Wellington is well known for cold winters as it often has southerlies which means the cold air blows straight up from Antarctica. I know that when we lived there it was just as cold but I think because we have acclimatised to the warmer north we felt it even more.
When we returned home on Sunday morning the sun was just beginning to rise on the two Mountains – Ruapehu and Tongariro. Tongariro especially looked amazing as the sunrise made it seem like it was covered in pink snow.
Mt Ruapehu ( this is the Mountain that was used in filming Lord of the Rings)
Mt Tongariro
Its good to be home – sleeping in our own bed and our much warmer house.
And finally – Last night we were having a nice relaxing glass of wine each -when the Young Man decided that he wanted some too.
The Young man is just learning to drink out of a cup so I guess he thinks he can have what ever we are drinking now!
August 28 1994 July 7, 2007
On August 27 1994 my friends and I decided it would be an adventure to sleep on the beach – you know have a bonfire, drink alcohol stolen from our parents drinks cabinets, stay up all night and generally have fun. It was all very elaborate with everyone planning on telling their parents that they were staying at each others houses (God-for-bid if the Young Man ever does this but at the time I thought it was reasonable to lie to your parents about where you were staying- without giving a thought for what would happen if anything had gone wrong). Of course in NZ late August is the end of winter where temps still get down to 2-3 degress (celcius) at night.So on the afternoon of August 27 1994 we all headed over to our friend Sam’s house and set off from there to the beach. We spent all afternoon building a ‘hut’ and collecting firewood. No one had really given much thought to food so at about 6pm we walked to the shops to get some hot chips and mince pies.
I still remember marvelling at the entrance of night . To the east of the beach it was night and the stars were clearly visible while to the west the sun set was still vivid.
That night as had lots of fun - drinking and toasting marshmallows while talking absolute crap to each other. At about 2am on August 28 1994 it began to get really cold and the thrill of staying on the beach was beginning to wear off. My friend G and I sat on the sand dunes in our sleeping bags and began having one of those deep and meaningful conversations that you can only have when you are 14. We talked about life and love and all those important things. We were talking about our families and I suddenly blurted out “I don’t want my Dad to die”. G just laughed and replied that he wasn’t going to die any time soon.
At about 7.30am on August 28 1994 we all trudged back to Sam’s house and rang our respective parents to come and pick us up. My friend Kelly parents picked us up and I waited at her house until my Mum picked me up after church.
I got home at about 12.30 on August 28 1994. We laughed at my Dad because he was wearing shorts and his legs were lilly white from the winter. About an hour later on August 28 1994 I heard my Dad say he was going to lie down as he was getting a migraine. I was in my room reading a magazine. Just a few minutes later I heard my Dad call out – his voice was all funny and slurry. I called my Mum and I just stood there as she tried to understand what my Dad was saying. She finally worked out that he was saying to call an Ambulance.
At 1pm on August 28 1994 I stood outside on my driveway waiting for the ambulance all the time praying “please God don’t let my Dad die”.
At 3pm on August 28 1994 the Doctor told my Mother, brother and I that my father had had an aneurysm and it was unlikely that he would recover. We then went up to the ward to see my Dad. He was unconscious and he was still my Dad.
At 4.30pm on August 28 1994 my friends Mum came and picked me up from the hospital – I was so tired from being up all night that I wasn’t coping and I needed to get away from things.
At 6pm on August 28 1994 my brother rang to tell me that my Dad had just died. I often wonder how hard that phone call was to make and how having to make it affected my 17 year old brother.
At 6.15 pm on August 28 1994 I saw my father – dead but still warm – yet somehow he wasn’t my Dad anymore… he was just a body.
At 9.30pm on August 28 1994 we went home and I lay on my parents bed sobbing as I cuddled my dads pillow- its a smell I can call recall if I close my eyes and filter through all my precious memories.
My Dad – taken when he was about 27
My father’s death was something that I knew would happen one day. Growing up I always knew that because he was an ‘older’ Dad ( he was 56 when I was born) he wouldn’t be at my wedding or get to see my children grow up but never did I think that I would lose him so soon. After he died my life turned upside down and even now I still don’t know if its the right way up yet.
The Thinking Man’s baby July 2, 2007
We visited our Plunket Nurse today for the Young Man’s 5 month check. He is now 7.3 kgs ( 16.1 pounds) and is 65.5 cm long ( when do they go from being measured in length to height?). As always he is nicely tracking along the 50th percentile line. The other exciting news was that the Nurse is fairly sure that he has his first tooth coming through. It isn’t causing him any problems yet so hopefully it comes through tickety boo.
“Hmm to be or not to be a good baby -that is the question.”
