Do you know the answer to…. January 29, 2008

My reliance on google has reached massive proportions.  In fact on Saturday night when Adman and I couldn’t remember the name of a friends sister we actually googled her last name and  the word lawyer (since we knew she had just graduated as lawyer) and guess what we found out her name and that annoying  feeling – of a name being on the tip of your tongue but not being able to remember it- was gone.  

During the last week I have also been tempted  to google the following….

‘how do I get my 11 month old to stop pooing every time he goes to sleep?’

‘what gastronomic delight can I make with 1/2 kilo of mince and 2 carrots in 15 minutes?’

‘how do you stop a dog from snoring?’

‘full words to ice ice baby -Vanilla Ice’

My life is full of unanswered questions.  

Yesterday was the Adman’s 30th birthday – all day we were teasing him about getting old and beginning to fall apart from old age.  This morning he woke a ‘pain in his neck’  which has meant he has become one in mine.  He can hardly move and of course he thinks that taking pain relief is for wimps and he will just grin and bear it.  Its the little cries of pain every time he moves that get me. So after a full 8 hours at work I have come home to a grumpy  tired baby and a husband who needs constant  back and neck rubs and his wheat bag heated up every 20 minutes or so.   I guess this is my come-uppance for teasing him about getting old.  One day he is a healthy 29 year old and now  two days later he’s a thirty year old acting like a 80 year old  who needs full time care.

My favourite photos January 25, 2008

 Just a few of my favourite photos taken over the last couple of weeks….

A bit of a posie shot but I like it

Down at the river with his Dad

Playing around with one of his Grandad’s hats

 Walking around with his trolley in his new shoes…

six things I hate…..the summer edition January 23, 2008

I love summer but there are some things that as the hots days blend into each other I start to hate  such as…..

1. The hot stifled air at night time that means you can’t get to sleep and there is no way you could even consider touching your husband
2. The Young Man’s room  gets very hot at night time and most nights he goes to bed in just his go-go bag and his onesie – in-fact he spends pretty much 24 hours a day living in his onesie as it is far too hot for him to wear any more clothes
3. My complete lack of imagination regarding cooking dinner means that most nights we end up eating salad and some type of meat cooked on the BBQ
4. The horrible feeling of wanting to be snuggled up under the blankets but not even being able to cope with your PJs on
5. Driving to work in the mornings and wishing that you could make a detour to go to the beach for a quick swim
6. boob sweat-  I never really found it a problem before this – and maybe since reading about it from Zoot I am more aware of it.  But this summer I have had days where I have felt like a pool has been forming between them.  I am not usually a sweaty person but this summer has been the summer of sweat.

M.I.L January 15, 2008

Over the last three days my Mother in Law has been staying with us.  She left today and we have all breathed a sigh of relief.  Its not that there was anything  in particular that cause the visit to be so stressful – its just that her behaviour is so over the top and false that you just can’t relax.

When the Adman was 10 years old his mother left his father  and himself and his sister.   She went and lived with family friend who she later married.   After she left she had nothing to do with Adman and his sister for 2-3 years.  In fact she told Adman’s father  that if he paid her $100,000 she would  let him  have full custody.

Since then Adman’s relationship with his mother has been stressed to say the least.  When ever Adman tries to talk to her about how her leaving affected him she will shut him down by saying ‘that was in the past and we should all just move on’. 

If only it was that easy.

Since I have known Adman I have struggled with his Mum.  I know that he loves her and as she is the only parent Adman now has he really doesn’t have much choice.  However as he says – he may love her but he doesn’t really like her.  Everything his mother does is only for her benefit.   I guess because I am one more step removed from her I am less inclined to forgive her behaviour (for example she almost didn’t come to our wedding because she was sulking as we told her she couldn’t invite 8 of her friends who we didn’t even know ( she was already inviting 12 other people!!). 

Last year when the Young Man was born she made a big deal about coming over to see him  (she lives in Australia) – she came to NZ for one month and spent 2 days with us – along with another couple who were travelling with them – just what I needed with a 3 week old baby.

This year she has come over for Adman’s 30th birthday.   Although when I say that -she is actually only spending a few days with us and then travelling to the South Island to see friends for 3 weeks.

This conflicts me as on one hand I am relieved that she only stays for a short time as I know that there is no way I could  handle her staying for much longer but on the other hand it would be nice for both Adman and the Young Man if she spent a longer period of time with us. 

 When I hear other women talking about their mother in laws with love I feel sad.  I would love to have a relationship with my M.I.L which was one of support and friendship – instead I have one the is all about her and what she wants.   I would love to have a M.I.L who would  provide support and understanding to her son rather than be someone who discusses her marital problems with him and gets angry when  he tells her that its not his place to comment. Instead I am stuck with a self centred  M.I.L who  thinks that everything she does is the right thing.

This is one post that doesn’t have a happy ending – She has been this way as long as Adman can remember and I don’t see any reason why she would change.  I guess that adage that you can pick your friends but not your family rings true in this case.

And the winner is…. January 13, 2008

When the Young Man was born I was determined not to be one of those mothers who was not only constantly talking about their baby but was also constantly comparing their baby to others ( and of course stating that their baby was the bestest!!).  I balked at the idea of joining a coffee group for the reason that I didn’t want to sit around with a bunch of other mums talking about what each baby could do and making snide judgements on the ability of the other babies.  When I did join a group – it was a Mother’s walking group who would have coffee afterwards – I thought I would be safe as the babies were all of different ages so surely no comparison would happen.  But it did.  So often the Mothers would make slight comments about their babies abilities at the same stage as the Young Man or would comment on the fact that  they didn’t feed their child that until he was much older. 

As much as I didn’t want to I felt I had to brag about the Young Mans abilities because I felt like we were being put down.    I didn’t stay in the walking group for long because I hated how I would feel afterwards.  A combination of worry that my baby wasn’t doing what the other babies were and also a slight jealously as their babies seemed so perfect and were doing everything right (which I later learnt was not true – it took me a while to learn that most mums lie through their teeth  about how long their baby sleeps for etc when they are with other mums).  I hated that it seemed to be competition where every baby was judged on its abilities and whether or not is was sleeping through the night.

On the rare occasion that the Adman and I go out I find that I inevitably end up talking about the  Young Man.  I try hard not to but when someone asks how he is doing it just all seems to flow out.  Of course  I know its because I love him and I think he is the bees knees that I just want everyone else to know that .  But I am sure that no-one really wants to hear   a ten minute presentation on all the cute things the Young Man can do. 

And the competitiveness still continues.  Last night we were at a BBQ  and I was asked by an older woman how the Young Man was going with his eating etc.  When I told her that he is a great eater and loves feeding himself  -she asked if he was using a fork yet as her son was competently using a fork by 12 months.  Of course my heckles raised and I  duly pointed out that the Young Man was only just 11 months old.  

Why should I care what her now 21 year son did when he was 12 months old?  Why should I feel like  I hadn’t been training the Young Man well enough if he hadn’t mastered cutlery by now?  Of course deep down I know that they can all go to buggery and the Young man is doing perfectly well.  But it is still hard to remember that when you are in the heat of a ‘my baby can…’ conversation.  

Maybe with your second child you feel less competitive  and conversations with other mums begin to be a bit nicer?  Who knows but for now  as much as I may resist it I am sure I will still be involved in conversations where every mother is trying to prove their off spring is the winner of the (imaginary) competition. 

Back to the Grindstone January 9, 2008

Today was my first day working at my new job.   I went through  thinking ‘what the hell am I doing?’  about halfway through this morning to thinking this afternoon that everything was good and I was really going to enjoy it.  By the time 4.30 came around I was tired, had sore eyes from reading all day, and all I wanted to do was go and pick up my  little boy.  Which is exactly what I did.  And he was glad to see me.  He had had a lovely  day with his carer  playing in the sand pit and  hanging out with the other two children. 

He was a tired wee chap though and was well  and truly ready for bed  by 6.30.  So off to bed  he went with a smile on his face and his fluffy blanket in hand.

Since he was about 2 months old the Young Man has sucked his two fingers on his left hand.  It has been a godsend as unlike with a dummy if he wakes up he can just shove his fingers back in his mouth and off he goes back to sleep.

When he was about 8 months old we were given a purple and blue mohair blanket that he took an instant liking to.  At night when he is put to bed he snuggles up to it and pulls the fluff off and rubs it on his face.   When we moved house we found balls and balls of fluff under his cot, that he had discarded.  Often when he wakes he has fluff on the two fingers that he sucks so I hate to think how much wool he must ingest.

I believe that every child needs a ’security blanket’.  I am just glad that the Young Man has chosen  a woolen blanket as opposed to my girlfriend’s little girl who had become attached to one of her bras!

‘Get away from the blanket’

And so it begins January 7, 2008

One  of the best Christmas presents that I got on Christmas day was that the Young Man began walking in earnest.  Sure he is only 10 1/2 months old but he had been leading up to walking to a while.  He would take a couple of steps before flat on his butt.  In the two weeks since Christmas he has become a walking Ninja.  It’s now quicker to walk than to crawl. 

And so it begins.   I find I spend the majority of my time chasing him around making sure that  he isn’t getting himself into mischief.  The  lines of ‘Where the wild things are’  the night max ….made mischief of one kind and another….  could be  written about the Young Man.  Although he now understands us when we are asking him to give us something he has also figured out that he doesn’t have to and if he’s quick enough he might just be able to  escape with the pen or any other number of dangerous items he seems to find.  Off he goes with a cheeky grin and a chuckle, waddling around looking like he had drunk half a bottle of rum. 

 I start my new  job on Wednesday and the Young man goes into full time care.  He is booked in with a home based carer who looks after 2 other children.  Today he spent half a day there.  I was worried that he might find it hard to settle and be upset when I left as he has just started getting some separation anxiety.  But no….  he was waving me off before I was even ready to leave, and when I went back to pick him up it took about 5 minutes for him to come over and say hi to me.  So much for me being worried about seperation anxiety!

 And now a photo – just because its a cute one – as you can see he quite likes sand

 

Things he has eaten January 4, 2008

The Young Man is a good eater – as evidenced by the daily 3-4 number two nappies.  I just wish that he would stop trying to eat everything that he gets hold of.

A list of things the Young man has attempted to / has eaten  today

1.  a red wooden block
2.  porridge with yogurt and cherries (his breakfast)
3.  a stone from my mum’s garden
4.  the left shoe of my new red shoes
5.  the washing basket
6. 1 superwine biscuit and half a peach (morning tea)
7.  a blue pen
8. a black pen
9.  peanut butter sandwich, avocado,  apple and cucumber (lunch)
10. a chocolate biscuit (sneakily given to him by my Grandmother – he loved it but man oh man it made a mess)
11. a yellow block
12. a  plant by the back door
13.  3 – 4 cups full of sand from the beach
14. various types of shells and driftwood
15. macaroni cheese, chicken and  peas (dinner)
16. Custard and cous cous (desert)

Surf and sand January 4, 2008

Since we moved home one of the things we have been wanting to do was take the Young Man to beach.  Finally today we were able to.   My Mum finished work early so we headed over the hill to the beach and while my mum watched the Young Man, the Adman and I had a swim.   The water was fairly warm although Adman took a while to  acclimatise and was not impressed when I splashed him and pushed him into the water.

The swim was also a good opportunity to try out my new swimmers.   Just floating around they manged to cover all the bits they were meant to however when jumping through the waves  their containment skills where severely lacking  -at least twice the surfers near by got a view they weren’t bargaining on!

Going for a swim was just the what the doctor ordered.   Afterwards both the Adman and I felt much more relaxed and  positive.   This weekend is the last few days of our holiday as Adman goes back to work on Monday and I start my new job on Wednesday.  The weather had been perfect – if a little too hot at night.  But reality hits again next week and  its back to the grindstone.

They are not resolutions January 3, 2008

Its the third day of 2008 and already I am feeling frustrated.  We returned from our ‘holiday’ last night – although it was enjoyable I probably spent about 98% of my time running after the Young Man and telling him ‘No’  and then when he wouldn’t listen ( when do they start?)  I would have to move what ever small breakable item he was trying to stuff in his mouth.  

I had/have plans for 2008.  This is going to be the year where I become a better wife (i.e.  stop moaning and nagging and picking on everything the Adman does),  I lwill ok after my health better by cutting back my chocolate intake and I  am going to take up a hobby that interests me.  However already I have bitched and moaned my way through the first three days of the year.  It seems that every thing the Adman does annoys me and I just can’t learn to keep my mouth shut which then of course ensues into an argument.  As for the whole getting healthy thing I have managed to go for one  walk – but I completely  blew any chance of it doing me any good by having a  large (okay it was huge) slice of Christmas cake washed down with a glass of chocolate milk.

As for taking up a hobby perhaps by October I may find some time  to fit it in – Who knows? I’m not holding my breath that I will get a chance to do something that’s solely for my benefit any time soon.

 N.B.  this post seems to be heavily swayed toward being a ‘poor me’ post.  I guess that’s what having 4 hours sleep does for you!