Just one more June 30, 2008

I love chocolate.  In fact I love it so much that if its in the house then I would eat it for breakfast.  Actually that is exactly what I did on Saturday morning.    The night before Adman and I had shared half a bar of cadbury’s fruit and nut while we watched a DVD.   The left over choc went in the fridge.  When  I got up the  6 am in the morning with the young Man  I nibbled a couple of squares,  at about 7am I thought I deserved a couple more squares  (well actually maybe it was about  eight!!).  After breakfast while doing the housework I snuck a few more pieces while Adman wasn’t looking. 

Later in the day Adman went to the fridge to get some of the chocolate…. surprisingly there was only a corner left - I feigned ignorance  and then put the blame squarely on my Mothers shoulders.   Now my lovely husband  loves me so much that hebroke the left over chocolate in half and shared it with me.

did I feel guilty?  No way - when it comes to chocolate guilt goes out the window!

 

The good, the bad and the unmentionable June 26, 2008

Its been six months since we moved home and moved (temporarily) in with my Mum.  It looks like its going to be at least another 6 months before we will be able to move into our own home.  Currently we are waiting for the plans to be finalised and then they need to be approved by our Council before building can even start.

Mostly living with Mum has been fine (although the Adman may have a differing opinion)  but there have been times when I have been tempted to start looking at rental properties - if it wasn’t for the fact that we are managing to save a whole heap of moohlah I am not sure if we would be able keep it up. 

But of course there are some benefits to staying with Mum including….

• She pretty much does all the washing (which is the bane of my life)
• If I need to work late she is able to pick up the young man and start getting his dinner etc sorted
• She does the dishes every night after dinner
• Adman and I are able to go out in the weekend and we have a built in babysitter
• When Adman is away for work Mum steps in and helps out with the Young man - Adman has been away for over 50% of the time for the last two months so it has been much appreciated

But then again there are some pretty annoying/bad things about staying here…

• Her constant nagging about the fact that we don’t make our bed
• she is obsessed with having a nicely mown lawn - which means Adman pretty much has to mow her lawn most weekends
• She constantly tries to keep the lounge tidy whereas Adman and I see no point in doing a tidy until the Young man goes to bed
• She is so noisy when she gets up in the morning to go for a walk that most days the Young Man gets woken by her door slamming

And of course there is the unmentionable…. well I don’t really need to go into too much detail but lets just say that a squeaky bed always seems louder than it really is!

 

Six things I have forgotten to talk about… March 1, 2008

1. We have sold our house - we ended up selling it for a lot less than we wanted but its sold and now it means  we can move to the next stage - buying  a section and building  a house.  In two weeks time we will be debt free for the first time in our relationship.   Although we didn’t get as much as we wanted we  have ended up with enough to pay off our car loans and also pay back my Mum the money she lent up for our deposit when we brought our house.  Although it means  our deposit won’t be as big as we hoped it does mean that  our next mortgage will be our only debt.
2.  Although I haven’t officially made the decision to flag the charity bike ride I haven’t been able to train for the last two weeks so it kind of means that I am running out of time.  First of all my bikes gears gave up the ghost.  Of course it took over a week to get fixed and in the meantime I have done something to my hip which means if I try to rotate it I am in extreme pain.  My chiro is slowly making it better but biking is just out of the question.
3. Up until Tuesday of this week we hadn’t had any decent rain since late December.  Since Tuesday we have had constant rain.  Its been a g*d send as it means relief for  the garden as we were having water restrictions which meant I wasn’t able to water it so my lettuces, capsicums and  beetroot were beginning to gasp.
4. The Young Man has really taken a step up with his eating lately.  Now he wants to try and use a fork or spoon and his taste buds seem to be ever expanding.   The other night a gave him an olive  to see what he would do - well he scoffed it down and put out his hand for more.  Tonight he had homemade chicken fried rice and he ate probably about a cup of it - followed up with jelly and icecream for a special Saturday night treat.
5. The Adman is away this weekend  working.  I used to dread weekends when he would have to work out of the area but now that we are back home its  not a problem.    My Mum is here and she helps out so much and makes  all of our lives so much easier.  This morning  she even got up to the Young Man  and let me have a sleep in to 8am - bliss!
6. As a way to celebrate  selling our house  I am planning a night away for the Adman and my self.   We have never had a night of luxury before so I am planning a flash hotel and  some spa treatments for us as well as dinner at a very acclaimed restaurant.  Of course the Adman is working for the next 3 weekends so it won’t be happening for a while but it will happen.

Differing points of veiw February 13, 2008

I went for my second bike ride today.  I won’t call it training yet as I am still struggling to even stay on my bike.  I think I must have biked about 10ks which was my goal so I was pleased with that.   The Adman decided we would come with me to support and encourage me.  It was a mistake -I don’t think he will be coming again any time soon.  I don’t know why but when ever it comes to any physical endeavour we just clash. The Adman thought he was being supportive by telling me to try and keep left- I thought he was being mean.  When he suggested I step the pace up a tad I screamed at him that I needed to go at the pace I was going at.  When he tried to talk to me about how I will need to learn to ride in a straight line  since I will be group riding I just  hit the roof.

 I know he means well  and I also know what he is saying is right but that doesn’t mean I necessarily want to hear it.  I need to do things in my own time and once I get comfortable with actually riding my bike and figuring out how to use the gears then maybe I will start to focus on riding in a straight line!

 In much more exciting news it’s the Young Man’s birthday today.  It’s hard to believe that its been a year since he was born.  Its been an amazing year full of new experiences, self doubt and a whole lot of happiness.  We are having his birthday party on Sunday so I will post the obligatory cake smeared face pictures then.

They are not resolutions January 3, 2008

Its the third day of 2008 and already I am feeling frustrated.  We returned from our ‘holiday’ last night - although it was enjoyable I probably spent about 98% of my time running after the Young Man and telling him ‘No’  and then when he wouldn’t listen ( when do they start?)  I would have to move what ever small breakable item he was trying to stuff in his mouth.  

I had/have plans for 2008.  This is going to be the year where I become a better wife (i.e.  stop moaning and nagging and picking on everything the Adman does),  I lwill ok after my health better by cutting back my chocolate intake and I  am going to take up a hobby that interests me.  However already I have bitched and moaned my way through the first three days of the year.  It seems that every thing the Adman does annoys me and I just can’t learn to keep my mouth shut which then of course ensues into an argument.  As for the whole getting healthy thing I have managed to go for one  walk - but I completely  blew any chance of it doing me any good by having a  large (okay it was huge) slice of Christmas cake washed down with a glass of chocolate milk.

As for taking up a hobby perhaps by October I may find some time  to fit it in - Who knows? I’m not holding my breath that I will get a chance to do something that’s solely for my benefit any time soon.

 N.B.  this post seems to be heavily swayed toward being a ‘poor me’ post.  I guess that’s what having 4 hours sleep does for you!

Six things that have made me a grumpy cow December 2, 2007

1.  The Young Man has been sick - so sick that he has lost his voice.  It is so sad to hear a baby trying to cry and all that comes out is a croak
2. I have had no more than 3 hours sleep each night for most of the week due to the above reason
3. We move in 3 weeks and we still haven’t sold our house and we are both so stressed that when we try to discuss other options it usually ends in an argument
4. I seem to have permanent PMS - so bad that the other day I told Adman to not even think about touching me.
5. I have three weeks of work left and probably about 8 weeks of work to complete before I finish
6. I hate my hair and desperately need a haircut but I have far better things that I have (i.e. bills)  to spend my money on so I just have to live with the inch and half of regrowth.

Endo November 27, 2007

I was twelve when I got my period.  By the time I was fourteen I was suffering severe cramps, vomiting and heavy bleeding every month.  It wasn’t until I was 19 that I was diagnosed as having endomentriosis.    After my laprospic (sp?) surgery which diagnosed me I was given three options by the specialist 1.  Just put up with the pain, 2.   Take a higher dosed contraception  injection and 3.  Get pregnant.  Of course option 3 was out due to the fact that I was in my first year of university and I didn’t really see getting pregnant as an appropriate solution - silly specialist.  As for going on stronger hormone controlled drugs as I was really against that as I had a bad experience of changing from a 3rd generation contraceptive pill  a year earlier and I didn’t want to risk another emotional  break down.  So I just grinned and beared it for eight years.

Being on the pill helped heaps as it eliminated the vomiting and the inability to walk but each month I still had chronic cramps, heavy bleeding and an aching  and painful bowel.   It meant that for 8 years I basically I lived on pain relief. 

When we decided to get pregnant my biggest worry was what my periods would be like off the pill.  They SUCKED - but luckily I got pregnant after five months of trying, so I didn’t have to deal with them for too long.  For 15 joyous months I didn’t have a period.  In fact I managed to forget about the pain and the horribleness I had to face each month.    It of course all came flooding back (in more ways than one!).  After two months of ‘natural’ periods I decided to go back on the pill and it was a good decision.  I was lucky that it didn’t affect my milk supply - the Young Man was six months old by then and I was only breastfeeding him morning and night anyways.  Being on the pill means I can cope with my period and carry on living while I have it.  It means I only need to take  pain relief for the first two days rather than for about eight.

Last week when I had my period Adman asked me if being pregnant  had made a difference to my edomentriosis.  I had to think for a while but I was able to say yes it has.  Sure I still have pain and cramping but what I don’t have is the excruciating pain in my bowel that would cause me not to want to go to the bathroom.   I don’t have the heavy heavy bleeding and most of all I don’t have the constant feeling of wanting to be sick.

I know over time some of the symptoms will come back but at least for now I can enjoy the  little  enodo ‘bonus’  that being pregnant gave me.  When the specialist suggested all those years ago  that getting pregnant was a possible solution to dealing with endo I thought he was crazy but I know know that there was a method to his madness.

All by myself…. November 15, 2007

One of the things that hit home for me when I was reading one of the several thousand ‘baby’ books out there was something about co-sleeping.  Now I don’t really agree with the idea of co-sleeping - in theory its a great idea but I just don’t see how it can happen  and allow everyone to get enough sleep.  Anyway this book said that co-sleeping  allows babies to feel safe and not alone - after all as adults we share our bed and are not banished to separate rooms.

That one phrase relaly hit home to me as I love nothing more than sharing my bed with my husband. In fact I have never really liked sleeping alone and as a child would often sneak into my parents bed during the night.   Being able to snuggle up to someone who makes you feel safe is the best antidote to not being able to sleep.  Having someone to hold your hand when its stormy outside is so comforting. 

But as the wife of an Paramedic I am also used to sleeping by myself.  Adman’s shifts are two 12 hour day shifts and then two 12 hour night shifts so 2 days out of every eight  I have to sleep by myself.  Usually on the first night I think its great and I sleep like a star fish  or sleep sideways taking up the whole bed.  Its not until I wake up to pee that I realise I don’t like sleeping alone.  Instead of being able to come back to bed and snuggle up to Adman  the bed is empty and already the spot where I was sleeping is getting cold.

Usually when this happens I turn on the radio and listen to talkback radio until I fall back asleep.  I never sleep as well when I am by myself - I wake more often  and hear all the night noises more keenly.

Adman is away for the next 4 nights doing some training and up until now I was looking forward to having the bed to myself.  But now I am beginning to wish he was here.   I don’t like being alone and I don’t like not having him to snuggle up to. 

Its also made me realise how scary it must be for the Young Man  to be in his cot all by himself.  But I know that introducing co-sleeping would be a terrible mistake so as tempted as I am to bring him into my bed I will refrain and just be all by myself tonight.

Old November 14, 2007

 When the Adman and I met a little over ten years ago I was a 17 year old - I was a size 10 and had nice perky breasts.  Adman was 19 and was in pretty good nick as well.  Ten years later we only now seem to have made the realisation that we are getting old.  The other night Adman was on  the computer as I was making the bed (I am so lazy that I don’t make our bed when we get up - I make it just before we go to bed!).  I suddenly looked over at the Adman and realised that he was a 30 year old man with a bit of a belly - not the 19 year old boy who had great arm muscles from lifting car engine parts.  Adman saw me looking at him strangely and asked what was up. I stupidly didn’t think before I opened my gob and said ” I’ve just realised that you have got old”.  The look on his face was one of shock and horror - he was quiet for  half a minute or so until he said  “Yeah well you have crows feet”.

The thing is I had to agree with him.  I am getting old.  I haven’t been ID’d for alcohol for at least 2 years now and when I look in the mirror I don’t see a young face but a face that is tired and needs a bit of TLC.  Inside I still feel like the 17 year old I was when I met the Adman but on the outside I am practically unrecognisable from that person.   My boobs are bigger ( infact one is alot bigger than the other one but that’s a whole separate post), I have stretch marks all over my tummy,  I am getting flabby arms, I am at least 2 sizes bigger (on a good day) and my face has permanent wrinkles.  To make matters worse I found - what I consider the number sign of old age creeping in.

The other night while watching meaningless crap on TV and trying to avoid the fact that there was a kitchen full of dishes to do I was unconsciously rubbing my chin when I felt it.  I  couldn’t be sure it was what I thought it was so I rushed into the bathroom  and looked in the mirror.  Yup it was a hair - on- my - chin.  I was either turning into a witch or I was getting old.  Since I didn’t have any other signs and symptoms of witchiness (i.e.  wart on my nose)  I knew that I was getting old.  Old smelly ladies have hairs on their chins not young Mum’s like me.  Luckily I knew the remedy and quickly plucked it and flushed it down the drain in an action so swift that I was almost able to convince myself that I had imagined it.

But in the plain old light of day I know its true - I am getting old and and my body is no longer what it once was.  But the good thing is that the Adman is getting old as well and I know for a fact that he loves the current me far more than he loved the 17 year old version.  I guess as we get old our love gets older - and wiser too - thank goodness!

Music to live by November 7, 2007

When I was young I can never really remember there being music in our house…. sure the radio was often on but I don’t remember my parents listening to tapes or records of bands they liked.

Yet somehow I have become a person who can’t live without music.  Every important moment in my life has a soundtrack running behind it.  I can clearly remember making my first mixed tape - I must have only been about 7 or 8.   I had scurried our crusty old radio/tape deck into my bedroom  and was recording songs off the radio.  Up until then I  hadn’t taken notice of the songs playing on the radio but I was determined to make a tape of ‘my’ songs.  I can’t remember all the songs I recorded  but I clearly remember ‘Eternal flame’ by the Bangles  and also a Billy Idol song which I have long forgotten the title of.  

This started my love of music and since then it has evolved into the monster it is today.

To say that my music tastes are eclectic is being kind - I love everything to country and western (old style)  to dub to hard rock.  But behind every style of music is a solid reason why I like it  - I like C&W because it reminds me of riding along with my Dad in his truck, listening to him sing along, I like Dub (mostly NZ Stuff) as to me it represents  the time we lived in Wellington and I love rock because that what my teenage years were all about.

 My Mother goes spare every-time she sees our CD collection - about 95% purchased by me.   We probably have about 2000 cds and when you add up the cost - average CD price is $25 x 2000 = a lot of ‘wasted’ money).  Yet every CD in my collection represents to me a certain time in my life.   So as an explanation here’s a few CD’s and accompanying stories….

 Pearl Jam - Pearl Jam

this CD reminds of when I was about 14 - especially the song ‘daughter’.  It was a time when I started going to parties with my friends and  actually beginning to ‘know’ about music.  This album was playing when I was busy holding my friends hair back as she spewed after drinking nearly a whole bottle of baileys.  It reminds me of the excess of youth as well as the stupidity!!

Garden State Soundtrack

I went to see the movie with a friend who had travelled up from Wellington.  At the time the Adman and I were going through a very very rough patch and for some reason the movie just clicked with me and weirdly gave me some strength to carry on and work through all the issues that we had - as just as Natalie Portman says in the movie - the Shins really do change your life!!

Otis Redding - The definitive Collection

The Adman and I got this CD in some bargain bin and its probably one of the few CD’s that we listen to regularly - in fact we are on to our second copy as we wore the first out.  This CD reminds me of when we lived by the sea in Wellington and on a Sunday morning we would sit on the deck and watch the morning pass us by while drinking coffee and basking in the early sun.

Green Day - American Idiot

This CD reminds me of when I bit the bullet and told the Adman that he had to make a choice about our marriage - either he would stay and we would work through or he would go and that would be it.   Its a long story but basically he had told me he would come around to talk things through one Friday night but didn’t actually show up until 2am ( after being at a party and being very drunk).  The next morning at about 6am I got up and put on the CD as loud as it could go - I was making a point and I wanted to make it loudly!!   It was the catalyst in some ways that turned everything around and things got sorted finally after almost a month of too-ing and fro-ing.

 Everyday when I am at home with the Young Man I have either the radio or a CD playing - Often I will explain to him why I like a song and why its important to me - I guess its just one way of telling my life story to my son.