Status Brown May 9, 2008

We have always been really lucky with the Young Man and never had to deal with the whole exploding nappy situation…. well until last weekend.   The Adman and I had planned a trip away to the coromandel to stay with friends and although I was looking forward to it  I knew it would be hard work.  I didn’t think however that the actual trip there would be the hardest part. 

We left just after lunchtime as the Young Man hadn’t had his morning sleep so we figured we would get a couple of hours on the road with him asleep.  Uh No…. He slept for exactly 40 minutes.  About 1 1/2 hours into the journey he started getting really grizzly.  We still had at least another 2 hours to go so we didn’t really want to stop.  In our wisdom of very experienced parents (ha) we decided he was grizzly because he was tired  and we should just ignore him and eventually he would go back to sleep.  After about 1/2 an hour of constant grizzling and occasional high pitched screams I decided we needed to stop.  The plan was that we would stop at the next town and have a coffee and let the Young Man have a bit of a stretch.  

As I started to get the Young Man out of his car seat I suddenly realised what the problem was…. he had pooed.  And not only had he pooed but it was everywhere. Poor little man.  Poor Me having to try and tidy it up.

Usually when I need to change his nappy when we are out and about I do it in the back of the station wagon however it was filled to the top with all the baby paraphernalia.  So I attempted to change him in the passenger front seat.   Close your eyes and imagine a baby slipping into the back of the seat while poo is being smeared all over the leather seats and the baby is trying to get away from the poo but all he is actually doing is getting it all over you.  That’s the picture I was having to deal with.

While all this was going on Adman was doing goodness knows what.  I finally managed to get most of the poo off the boy but still needed to get the poo-ey clothes off him.  This needed to be a two person job so I asked Adman if he could help out.  Around he comes and pulls out a handful of wipes – oh not wait – it was the last handful of wipes- and proceeds to start wiping the poo off the seats.  Too bad about the baby covered in poo or the wife covered in poo  – obviously the seats were most in need of cleaning up.

So there we were standing next to the car in the main street of small town NZ with a butt naked baby  and a Mum covered in poo and a Dad rumanging through the back trying to finding more wipes.  Eventually we were all put back together  and back on our way.  I think it wasn’t until we got home that I actually recovered.

Our land March 26, 2008

Well its official we own the land we were after…   stage two ofliving our dream complete

Six things I have forgotten to talk about… March 1, 2008

1. We have sold our house – we ended up selling it for a lot less than we wanted but its sold and now it means  we can move to the next stage – buying  a section and building  a house.  In two weeks time we will be debt free for the first time in our relationship.   Although we didn’t get as much as we wanted we  have ended up with enough to pay off our car loans and also pay back my Mum the money she lent up for our deposit when we brought our house.  Although it means  our deposit won’t be as big as we hoped it does mean that  our next mortgage will be our only debt.
2.  Although I haven’t officially made the decision to flag the charity bike ride I haven’t been able to train for the last two weeks so it kind of means that I am running out of time.  First of all my bikes gears gave up the ghost.  Of course it took over a week to get fixed and in the meantime I have done something to my hip which means if I try to rotate it I am in extreme pain.  My chiro is slowly making it better but biking is just out of the question.
3. Up until Tuesday of this week we hadn’t had any decent rain since late December.  Since Tuesday we have had constant rain.  Its been a g*d send as it means relief for  the garden as we were having water restrictions which meant I wasn’t able to water it so my lettuces, capsicums and  beetroot were beginning to gasp.
4. The Young Man has really taken a step up with his eating lately.  Now he wants to try and use a fork or spoon and his taste buds seem to be ever expanding.   The other night a gave him an olive  to see what he would do – well he scoffed it down and put out his hand for more.  Tonight he had homemade chicken fried rice and he ate probably about a cup of it – followed up with jelly and icecream for a special Saturday night treat.
5. The Adman is away this weekend  working.  I used to dread weekends when he would have to work out of the area but now that we are back home its  not a problem.    My Mum is here and she helps out so much and makes  all of our lives so much easier.  This morning  she even got up to the Young Man  and let me have a sleep in to 8am – bliss!
6. As a way to celebrate  selling our house  I am planning a night away for the Adman and my self.   We have never had a night of luxury before so I am planning a flash hotel and  some spa treatments for us as well as dinner at a very acclaimed restaurant.  Of course the Adman is working for the next 3 weekends so it won’t be happening for a while but it will happen.

Differing points of veiw February 13, 2008

I went for my second bike ride today.  I won’t call it training yet as I am still struggling to even stay on my bike.  I think I must have biked about 10ks which was my goal so I was pleased with that.   The Adman decided we would come with me to support and encourage me.  It was a mistake -I don’t think he will be coming again any time soon.  I don’t know why but when ever it comes to any physical endeavour we just clash. The Adman thought he was being supportive by telling me to try and keep left- I thought he was being mean.  When he suggested I step the pace up a tad I screamed at him that I needed to go at the pace I was going at.  When he tried to talk to me about how I will need to learn to ride in a straight line  since I will be group riding I just  hit the roof.

 I know he means well  and I also know what he is saying is right but that doesn’t mean I necessarily want to hear it.  I need to do things in my own time and once I get comfortable with actually riding my bike and figuring out how to use the gears then maybe I will start to focus on riding in a straight line!

 In much more exciting news it’s the Young Man’s birthday today.  It’s hard to believe that its been a year since he was born.  Its been an amazing year full of new experiences, self doubt and a whole lot of happiness.  We are having his birthday party on Sunday so I will post the obligatory cake smeared face pictures then.

Horrible February 4, 2008

Sometimes I think that I am a horrible wife.  Sometimes I know it. 

This weekend  it seemed liked everything (you know, the moving house, moving in with my mum, new job, hot weather and lack of sleep) had finally got to me and I just couldn’t function on a normal level.  Everything  everyone did annoyed me and no matter hard I tried I just couldn’t help snapping back.  Even the Young Man  received some of my wrath – I got so frustrated  at him because he was throwing his food off his high chair tray –hellooo hes 11 months old -isn’t that his job.  Luckily the Adman realised that I was hitting the wall and he sent me off to bed for a nap.  Of course I got angry at him for ’sending me away’.  But after a sleep I felt marginally better and when I woke and he drove me down town for the hour massage he had booked for me I felt supremely guilty.  

As I lay there having every ounce of stress removed from my body I began to think about how much of a horrible wife I am.   He has been under just as much stress as I have been if not more, yet he has still been the loving husband he always is.  So yet again I need reminding that sometimes I can be a little dramatic  and the best way to deal with it is to take a chill pill and put life into perspective. 

After all we are living our dream and I just have to realise that not every day  is going to smell of roses.

six things I hate…..the summer edition January 23, 2008

I love summer but there are some things that as the hots days blend into each other I start to hate  such as…..

1. The hot stifled air at night time that means you can’t get to sleep and there is no way you could even consider touching your husband
2. The Young Man’s room  gets very hot at night time and most nights he goes to bed in just his go-go bag and his onesie – in-fact he spends pretty much 24 hours a day living in his onesie as it is far too hot for him to wear any more clothes
3. My complete lack of imagination regarding cooking dinner means that most nights we end up eating salad and some type of meat cooked on the BBQ
4. The horrible feeling of wanting to be snuggled up under the blankets but not even being able to cope with your PJs on
5. Driving to work in the mornings and wishing that you could make a detour to go to the beach for a quick swim
6. boob sweat-  I never really found it a problem before this – and maybe since reading about it from Zoot I am more aware of it.  But this summer I have had days where I have felt like a pool has been forming between them.  I am not usually a sweaty person but this summer has been the summer of sweat.

M.I.L January 15, 2008

Over the last three days my Mother in Law has been staying with us.  She left today and we have all breathed a sigh of relief.  Its not that there was anything  in particular that cause the visit to be so stressful – its just that her behaviour is so over the top and false that you just can’t relax.

When the Adman was 10 years old his mother left his father  and himself and his sister.   She went and lived with family friend who she later married.   After she left she had nothing to do with Adman and his sister for 2-3 years.  In fact she told Adman’s father  that if he paid her $100,000 she would  let him  have full custody.

Since then Adman’s relationship with his mother has been stressed to say the least.  When ever Adman tries to talk to her about how her leaving affected him she will shut him down by saying ‘that was in the past and we should all just move on’. 

If only it was that easy.

Since I have known Adman I have struggled with his Mum.  I know that he loves her and as she is the only parent Adman now has he really doesn’t have much choice.  However as he says – he may love her but he doesn’t really like her.  Everything his mother does is only for her benefit.   I guess because I am one more step removed from her I am less inclined to forgive her behaviour (for example she almost didn’t come to our wedding because she was sulking as we told her she couldn’t invite 8 of her friends who we didn’t even know ( she was already inviting 12 other people!!). 

Last year when the Young Man was born she made a big deal about coming over to see him  (she lives in Australia) – she came to NZ for one month and spent 2 days with us – along with another couple who were travelling with them – just what I needed with a 3 week old baby.

This year she has come over for Adman’s 30th birthday.   Although when I say that -she is actually only spending a few days with us and then travelling to the South Island to see friends for 3 weeks.

This conflicts me as on one hand I am relieved that she only stays for a short time as I know that there is no way I could  handle her staying for much longer but on the other hand it would be nice for both Adman and the Young Man if she spent a longer period of time with us. 

 When I hear other women talking about their mother in laws with love I feel sad.  I would love to have a relationship with my M.I.L which was one of support and friendship – instead I have one the is all about her and what she wants.   I would love to have a M.I.L who would  provide support and understanding to her son rather than be someone who discusses her marital problems with him and gets angry when  he tells her that its not his place to comment. Instead I am stuck with a self centred  M.I.L who  thinks that everything she does is the right thing.

This is one post that doesn’t have a happy ending – She has been this way as long as Adman can remember and I don’t see any reason why she would change.  I guess that adage that you can pick your friends but not your family rings true in this case.

And the winner is…. January 13, 2008

When the Young Man was born I was determined not to be one of those mothers who was not only constantly talking about their baby but was also constantly comparing their baby to others ( and of course stating that their baby was the bestest!!).  I balked at the idea of joining a coffee group for the reason that I didn’t want to sit around with a bunch of other mums talking about what each baby could do and making snide judgements on the ability of the other babies.  When I did join a group – it was a Mother’s walking group who would have coffee afterwards – I thought I would be safe as the babies were all of different ages so surely no comparison would happen.  But it did.  So often the Mothers would make slight comments about their babies abilities at the same stage as the Young Man or would comment on the fact that  they didn’t feed their child that until he was much older. 

As much as I didn’t want to I felt I had to brag about the Young Mans abilities because I felt like we were being put down.    I didn’t stay in the walking group for long because I hated how I would feel afterwards.  A combination of worry that my baby wasn’t doing what the other babies were and also a slight jealously as their babies seemed so perfect and were doing everything right (which I later learnt was not true – it took me a while to learn that most mums lie through their teeth  about how long their baby sleeps for etc when they are with other mums).  I hated that it seemed to be competition where every baby was judged on its abilities and whether or not is was sleeping through the night.

On the rare occasion that the Adman and I go out I find that I inevitably end up talking about the  Young Man.  I try hard not to but when someone asks how he is doing it just all seems to flow out.  Of course  I know its because I love him and I think he is the bees knees that I just want everyone else to know that .  But I am sure that no-one really wants to hear   a ten minute presentation on all the cute things the Young Man can do. 

And the competitiveness still continues.  Last night we were at a BBQ  and I was asked by an older woman how the Young Man was going with his eating etc.  When I told her that he is a great eater and loves feeding himself  -she asked if he was using a fork yet as her son was competently using a fork by 12 months.  Of course my heckles raised and I  duly pointed out that the Young Man was only just 11 months old.  

Why should I care what her now 21 year son did when he was 12 months old?  Why should I feel like  I hadn’t been training the Young Man well enough if he hadn’t mastered cutlery by now?  Of course deep down I know that they can all go to buggery and the Young man is doing perfectly well.  But it is still hard to remember that when you are in the heat of a ‘my baby can…’ conversation.  

Maybe with your second child you feel less competitive  and conversations with other mums begin to be a bit nicer?  Who knows but for now  as much as I may resist it I am sure I will still be involved in conversations where every mother is trying to prove their off spring is the winner of the (imaginary) competition. 

And so it begins January 7, 2008

One  of the best Christmas presents that I got on Christmas day was that the Young Man began walking in earnest.  Sure he is only 10 1/2 months old but he had been leading up to walking to a while.  He would take a couple of steps before flat on his butt.  In the two weeks since Christmas he has become a walking Ninja.  It’s now quicker to walk than to crawl. 

And so it begins.   I find I spend the majority of my time chasing him around making sure that  he isn’t getting himself into mischief.  The  lines of ‘Where the wild things are’  the night max ….made mischief of one kind and another….  could be  written about the Young Man.  Although he now understands us when we are asking him to give us something he has also figured out that he doesn’t have to and if he’s quick enough he might just be able to  escape with the pen or any other number of dangerous items he seems to find.  Off he goes with a cheeky grin and a chuckle, waddling around looking like he had drunk half a bottle of rum. 

 I start my new  job on Wednesday and the Young man goes into full time care.  He is booked in with a home based carer who looks after 2 other children.  Today he spent half a day there.  I was worried that he might find it hard to settle and be upset when I left as he has just started getting some separation anxiety.  But no….  he was waving me off before I was even ready to leave, and when I went back to pick him up it took about 5 minutes for him to come over and say hi to me.  So much for me being worried about seperation anxiety!

 And now a photo – just because its a cute one – as you can see he quite likes sand

 

My pet hates for today December 11, 2007

Tyre kickers…..  We have had two or three people through out house who have shown real interest and then rang us to make an offer and it has been so ridiculous  – as in “can we buy your house in six months time when we might have some money and  you take it off the market now – oh but we don’t want to pay a deposit or anything”.  Its doing my head in as I get all excited thinking that this hell that we call selling our house may be over only to end up back at square one.

Humidity….. December is all about the humidity in the top half of the North Island of NZ.  Yesterday it was raining but was so humid that steam was actually rising off the ground.  my main gripe with humidity is what it does to my hair.  Typically my hair behaves itself and looks halfway decent.  But add humidity and I end up with a frizzy afro that can’t be tamed.

Packing…… We move in (ohmygod) 11 days and I am yet to start packing.  I am procrastinating because I know what a pain it will be – not only the actual packing of items and and the screeds of newspaper you have to use to wrap breakables in ( and the newsprint hands that follow), but also the boxes that will be everywhere, the lack of kitchen things to use when cooking and also the general dis-array the comes with packing up a house.

Christmas mince (fruit) pies…..  these are a pet hate of mine as I can’t stop eating them.  The rich fruity gooey goodness in the middle and the short sweet pastry is just heaven and seems to be the perfect antidote to reduce my  stress levels.  Unfortunately I have discovered ones with a layer of caramel and it looks like I will be gorging myself on these for at least the next 2 weeks.

Teeth…. yip they are still a pet hate of mine. The Young Man is now in the process of getting his top eye teeth and although they aren’t nearly as bad as when he got his bottom teeth they are still causing him to be a grumpy little man who doesn’t want to eat, doesn’t want snuggles and really just wants it all to go away.